the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
