Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Too much gin, very little bucket
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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