I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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