Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
