Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
