i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
