I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
