Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
