Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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