Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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