Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
