Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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