I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
