Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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