Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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