420 ftw
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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