I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
