my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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