does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
