Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
