ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
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