I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
