So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
