so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
