The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
