he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
