No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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