the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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