i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
