I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
