This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
