It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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