you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
