I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
