She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I smell stomach acid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
