the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
