I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
