well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
