I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
