At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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