whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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