Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
