The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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