There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
