The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
