i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
