Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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