No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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