we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
