Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
