Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my shit smells like andre
no you cant smoke seaweed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
