Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
