The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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