So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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