I am puke
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
