sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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